Bootleg Baby

I love it when I see something that makes me say, “Holy crap. I have to share this with someone!” (This usually happens when I see someone fall or hear someone fart in public.)

I was headed to the mall to pick up a few things and scoping out the people standing out front. I like to look at people. I saw a very normal looking, older man from afar who looked like he was babbling incoherently to anyone walking by him. As I got closer I was able to decipher what he was saying, “Toy Story, Eclipse, Grown Ups… I got errythang an anythang you want. Sex in the City, A Team…” I stopped listening as soon as I finished walking by him. Usually, if I’m interested in eavesdropping I’ll stop and pretend like I’m looking for something in my bag or if there is a verbal altercation happening and the two parties are occupied, I’ll sit on a bench and shamelessly watch. (What? It’s a free show. All I’m missing is the popcorn.)

This man, Mr. Hustler, was standing in the doorways between Ulta and DSW (My favorites! Yippee!) with a Newport in one hand and pushing the stroller containing a toddler with the other. Now, we happen to be in a tough situation economically and I can understand a man trying to hustle instead of only depending on welfare to make ends meet. I can maybe even respect it. But with a baby? What, is this baby going to grow up believing his father to be the head distributer of media? How do you explain this for career day?

Johnny’s teacher: “Shannon, thanks for bringing in your mom. A lawyer! What an interesting job! Now Johnny, thanks for bringing your father in on Career Day. Can you tell us a little about his career?”

Johnny: “My daddy a media distributa.”

Johnny’s teacher: “Wow! That sounds so Hollywood! Does his job require a lot of traveling?”

Johnny: “Sho do! He be travelin’ to da mall erryday.”

Johnny’s teacher: “The mall?”

Johnny: “That’s where he go. He be sellin’ bootleg DVDs in front of da mall.”

Johnny’s teacher: “Oh my. That’s… interesting.”

Johnny: “Sho’ is! He say he give y’all a dolla fiddy off.”

This scenario may not entirely come true. But returning to the prior scene that actually took place, I wondered where the man kept his DVDs. Did he have them in the trunk of his car? In the bottom of the stroller? Was it like Chinatown in NYC where if they see you as a suitable buyer they will bring you into the back of their store where you will fear for your life but still manage to come out with a black garbage bag full of designer knock-offs?

At any rate, I ended up with no bootleg DVDs. However, if someone wants to show me a free way to watch some DVDs online, I’m all for it. At least I don’t have to go into any strange buildings to get them!