La Cucaracha!

I hate bugs. They’re gross. And I know that each bug has a purpose and they all work together in our ecosystem and mother nature and trees and blah blah blah, but I still hate them. Especially cockroaches. They are the worst.

I hope that at this point, everyone is still agreeing with me. No one should be shaking their head and disagreeing saying, “Oh no, she is just wrong. I love those cute little crunchy stinkers! Every time I look at them I get such a warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart like when I see a one month old Beagle puppy licking its owner. I just don’t see how anyone could kill a cockroach!”

When I see a roach all I can think is: disgusting. Now, I know that even the cleanest home may yield a roach or two and I say this because I have recently found them in MY home, which I happen to think is most of the time almost always kind of a little bit some of the time clean. FOUR in a three day period. To me that is absolutely unacceptable. When I saw them, I immediately killed two of them upon sight, paid someone else to kill one, and begged someone else to kill the other.

As soon as I get enough courage to jump down off the couch after spotting such a vile creature, I kill the cockroach using my sister's favorite shoe to punish it for being so bold as to walk through my home looking for a bite to eat and then I bravely pick it up with toilet paper, holding it as far away from me as possible and run, grossed out and gagging, to flush it down the toilet.

And here is where the problem comes in… sometimes my brain is just too much for me. It overreacts, overthinks, and overanalyzes to the point that I sometimes drive myself crazy.

What my brain comes up with next is what terrifies me to the point of begging someone else to take care of these rank Periplaneta Americanas (yes, I am assuming that the ones I am finding here are American roaches). I feel that as soon as I flush that dirty bastard down the toilet I’m going to turn around and there is going to be a huge, ugly, crunchy, six foot roach standing on its hind legs screaming, “Bitch! You killed my baby!” and then proceed to devour me whole.