Red Flags

I’ve had 17 first dates since I’ve made the move from big city to small town. Had I thought ahead, I would have written a blog after each first date I’ve had.

A wise friend once told me that you can’t regret anything in life. Even if at some point you find your heart hurting (I know, I do actually have a heart… as cold as I can seem at times) you have to stop and ask yourself, “Did I have fun? Did I learn something about what I want and/or who I am?” If the answer is yes, then look at the situation as a success. I can absolutely answer yes to the second two questions. Did I have fun on each of these first dates? No. Most of them? Yes. Did I make lifelong friends from each on? No. A few that I still talk to and hang out with every once in a while? Yes.

My favorite bad date story had been the one where the guy talked for about 20 minutes about his retainer. Tonight, I got a new favorite bad date story.

Brief background info: He was a decent looking dude, had a stable job, and appeared to have hobbies and interests aside from the online dating world. We exchanged several emails that were intelligent, funny, and interesting. I did not see this bad date coming. If I had, I would have skipped it and continued on to the second half of my night, but that will be at the end of the blog post.

Date time. I was running late because we were meeting at the bookstore at the mall five days before Christmas and there was a ton of traffic. That’s kind of an excuse… I was running late because I sat watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia instead of getting ready. I actually contemplated rescheduling so I could continue watching. Next time I’m following my instincts!

Now, I know I’m not perfect (I know, I know), but there are some things that are really important to me. You need to have good teeth and clean hands/feet. If you don’t take care of these things, what ELSE do you not take care of? This classy broad isn’t going to stick around to find out! One of the first things I noticed was that he had a lot of brown stuff happening on his teeth. I’ve known people that have had that before… they had bad drug addictions. (Red Flag #1) Within the first 5 minutes of chatting, he threw out all his baby momma drama. (Red Flag #2) I don’t mind dating someone who has kids; perhaps it’s even okay if they and their former significant other have occasional disagreements, but no drama. He was talking a lot about all of the jobs he has had throughout the past few years: BK, construction, remodeling, and he said he built cable. What does that even mean? If, as an adult, you’ve had six or seven different jobs that is not a good sign. Where is the career? The stability? The thing that says you can hold down a job? (Red Flag #3) We bonded (briefly) over how much it sucks to leave all your friends behind and move to a new city since he had moved within the last few years or so. Then he proceeded to share how he had gotten involved in the wrong crowd and had been heavily into drugs and had gotten into some serious trouble. (Red Flags #4 & #5)

There were several times where I had to bite my lips to keep from bursting out into laughter at him. I think what really hit the nail into the coffin (is that how the expression goes?) was when he was telling a story (another damn story!) and lead into it with, “When I was walking through my trailer park on my way to work at Burger King…” (RED FLAG #6!)

This was a 40 minute date that was 38 minutes too long.

As I was driving home, the need to stop and have a drink was almost overpowering. I wanted to just sit and hang out for a while without any pressure from anyone. I headed over to my local pub (I’m not really sure how authentic it is, but it works) and scoped it out. I found a seat at the bar and made myself comfortable. The bartender informed me that Miller Lite was on special for a buck fifty, so I went ahead and ordered a Yuengling. The FIU game was on TV, so at least it was a game I was interested in. It ended up being a great night. I had only intended on staying for an hour, but I think I was there for two or three. I met a great cast of characters…

Steve – easily in his late fifties. Creep potential, but recognized this in himself. Apologized for being a rude bastard. He didn’t realize at that point that growing up in Miami, I am used to dealing with rude. He was nothing more than a little salty. He mentioned that he spent a lot of time working in different nuclear plants in FL and for conversational purposes, I said I knew a few people who did in South Florida. He said he had worked at the same one in ’83. When I shared with him that I was born in ’83 he gave me the, “you’re a baby!” look and proceeded to tell me that he did a looooot of blow in ’83.

Tim – perhaps mid-to-late forties. Disabled military veteran who has a very big dog that he refers to as his daughter. He kept looking at me and kind of had creep potential but may not have realized it. He also kept apologizing for his buddy Steve.

Joe – late seventies and not a day earlier. Apparently, he doesn’t drink alcohol; just sips on a coke all day long. Super sweet old man and I was happy to sit next to him and chat.

Then Zach and Josh showed up on my left. They were both in their mid-twenties, I’d say they were about my age, but I think now I’m considered to be in my late twenties (boo). They were interesting characters who worked at a local restaurant. One was a Seminole, but couldn’t find a job so he was forced to move back home.

It’s funny, I had no more connection with these people other than what it was at that exact moment. I may go back to that bar, and they may be there or they may not. We may see each other at the bar and decide to chit chat some more, or we may not. But either way, that was much more fun than my super lame date.